My stepmom is not a very good human being and is a major hypocrite. Today was a ritualistic dinner at my house. My grandpa comes over once a month to eat and talk with us for three hours.
There were many bad parts of that which I won’t really get into. But the main bad parts are having to purposefully supress atleast 50% of what I want to say to avoid problems.
I supressed telling everyone the personal projects I work on because they will most likely minimize them and I will then not find them special/cool/worthy enough to work on. Either by my Dad, per usual, if I told him, he would probably say it’s a waste of time. I supressed talking about the books i’m reading cause they will also minimize it, usually by saying that they read the book already or that just the idea of the book isn’t interesting/ worth reading. That will proceed to make me not want to read it, because it will make me think it’s not special or that it’s a waste of time (they already read it or they think it’s a dumb book).
Then there’s having to socialize with my grandma. I have problems with my grandma. When I was 8 years old she slapped me because I chose not to tell her where her son (my Dad was) because I was in a mood I guess. After that, my Mom and Grandma didn’t speak or interact for years. But it’s not my fault. My grandma used to hit my mother when they all (my Dad, Mom and Grandma) lived together. Also, when my Mom’s water broke, my grandma refused to drive my Mom to the hospital. Also other BS stuff like how my Mom told me that my Grandma used to act like she was the woman of the house, when i’m guessing my Mom was actually supposed to be that.
Then other small stuff like that my grandma used to lock me and my brother in our bedrooms at a tiny age, despite the fact that I don’t remember doing any bad things or getting in trouble when I left the bedroom.
My grandma is 86 now. Just thinking of her and her personality urks me. I’ve seen her in person and kind of studied her. It’s baffling. She wakes up at 2pm and goes to bed at 2am. 90% of her waking hours she is laying reclined on her couch doing stuff with her iPad. She’ll be watching some conspiracy theories or jesus affirmations or podcasts in russian. Or be playing chess.
Look, I don’t think i’m a cruel person. It’s just I have so much bad history with her. Her blowing up at me for looking at her too much. Or when she blew up at me for making conversation and asking what books she likes to read.
It just mainly sickens me when I think of her personality and how right now she’s probably thinking that everyone, every sound, and every action around her must revolve around her and makes sense and that she approves. She is an extremely selfish person and a giant control freak. So is my Dad and Grandpa. They are your sterotypical russian control freaks and hotheads.
But my main focus of this is my stepmom. Today she was complaining to my grandma and grandpa about her latest job. She was getting so passionate and had this semi aggressive tone that she uses all the time and I think it’s used to scare people while they’re listening to her. For respect or for genuine fear? I don’t know.
But my stepmom was saying how her last job where she had to watch over three disabled people in a house for disabled people was horrible. She complained that her coworkers were mean and disrespectful towards her and took advantage of her. Listening to that shit made me cringe due to how big a hypocrite she is.
I don’t know how to convey how awful a person my stepmom is besides explaining her history and what she’s done to us. First off, since moving in to our house four years ago. She’s had so many jobs with the same outcomes and she can’t put two and two together to realize it’s her fault and that she’s not a victim.
Before covid what happened? She met up with her current boss at the time at a hotel and allegedly ate some pot gummies that her boss gave her and slept with him. Later on she told this to me one day and later spun it as her boss being manipulative and drugging her and taking advantage of his power and not following rules as a boss and she sued him for a lot of money I think.
Then her next job. She worked at CarMax as a salesman. She couldn’t sell shit and had a bad experience with coworkers and quit.
Then her next job. She was a receptionist at L.A. fitness and a gym member was apparently not wanting to put up with her attitude and got in her face. Then my stepmom called the cops on that customer and quit her job too. Other gym members did the same thing to her before that as well.
Then she had another job as a substitute teacher. She claimed that her coworker just hated her for no reason and that the coworker again, got in her face and intimated her. She quit that job too.
Then like I said with her last job with again having ‘mean’ coworkers. How delusional are you?! Your last five jobs you’ve had problems with coworkers and you really think the blame is only on you? You can’t put two and two together? Having your last five jobs that you quit because of problems with coworkers and you still think you’re not the one causing problems? And that you’re just ‘unlucky’ and working with the wrong people? Like no. Five times of having the same thing happen definitely is not indicating that you are ‘unluckily’ getting bad customers. It’s most definitely on you lol.
What else has she done?
In the last year she’s went full on psycho. At 2am she snuck downstairs into my brother’s room and screamed at him, blaming him for eating in his room, going up too late, and that he’s lazy, needs a job and takes advantage of my Dad. Like bitch, you need a job.
Then before that another 2am incident over similar things about staying up too late and that he prevents her from sleeping because his nighttime sounds keep her and the dogs up.
Then when those arguments fizzled out, she tried to revive them by mentioning that four years ago, I got in her face one day and motioned with my mouth that I wanted to kiss her. I don’t remember that. But even if that did happen, would it warrant the five+ screaming matches against me and my brother?
Mainly cause again, she’s delusional. You don’t live in a household and think that screaming at people at 2am is conducive and will make us want to change. That will make us resent you. The proper way to teach people to do the right thing is not by fear and threats of violence and making them feel unsafe. You teach them by being firm but somewhat friendly. The opposite, will, again, that’ll just lead to resentment and most likely, the people (me and my brother) won’t respect you to change. It’s fear mongering. And it’s not the right way to communicate that you want change.
Yes, even though she communicates horribly, I do all she asks. But my brother doesn’t. So, I guess kudos to him for not giving in to her horrible communication style, but unfortunately, he still will be yelled at by her, and since I’m in a room next to him, I’ll have to hear it and be scared and affected by it too.
Anyways, on top of all that, her and my Dad have mini fights all the time, that I swear they just like knowing that they are annoying and bothering other people in the house. I think they love the attention and the rush from fighting. But man. It’s like it’s every day. It especially sucks on a day I don’t want to wake up, but when I finally do, I hear them fighting and it ruins the mood cause I don’t wanna be around them after hearing them arguing, but I have no choice (my Dad will NOT let us sleep all day). I get it, sleeping all day is unhealthy. But i’d rather sleep all day then be around toxic people like them.
So this bitch has screamed at me and my brother at 2am or at many times in the past two years over irrational, crazy shit. Like saying that I stole her toothbrush and shoved it up my ass and ruined my birthday. She also was allowed to make a rule that I can no longer hover at the top of the staircase near her bedroom. She also literally now has her own fridgerator in her room (my old bedroom), which my Dad allows. She takes half of all the food my Dad buys for the family (even though a lot of it is bought using my food stamps) and stores it in her fridge. I am also not allowed to use the bathroom next to her bedroom, even though my bedroom literally was her current office room 3 years ago. On top of that, I am specifically not allowed to look down the hallway to her bedroom. It’s also implied that I basically am not allowed to go down the hallway near her bedroom at all, cause she repeatedly mentions she is scared of me for some reason.
Like literally, when she moved into the house, i’d talk to her and let her vent to me for hours and we were so close. Then my brother stole meds from their bedroom and she has turned on me as well as my brother.
She also has her own cabinet in the kitchen with a lock on it. She has also complained to my Dad how she knows we were checking out this cabinet because we were curious of it.
She complains that me and my brother purposefully skip washing her dishes in the sink and that we’re singling her out and being unfair to her. She has complained we don’t wash dishes or put them away and that we leave crumbs and stains everywhere.
Also another side history: her only child, her daughter, ghosted her five years ago and hasn’t spoke to her since. Her brothers have told her to her face that they want her to kill hers*lf. At family parties, she has said how her family will literally distance themselves from her at parties and whisper to each other how much they hate her.
I really think this woman is so fundamentally and deeply evil and messed up inside. Like there’s something really wrong with her, with her mood swings from being so happy and extra to being a full blown demon.
She mentions the other bad family stuff and plays it off like she’s some crazy victim of the worst people ever but the evidence points to that she’s actually the crazy irrational one.
Yes, she has some very high highs to match the very low lows. Frequently we’ll agree on something and laugh together. Oh yeah, and she has periods where she will literally not stop talking. I have resorted to when she’s trying to talk to me, I will just nod, go silent, and look away to avoid that. I’ve heard her rant to people like my Dad, who has also complained of her long talking, and she will claim that he is “preventing her from being herself” because he doesn’t like her talking a lot. LOL!
I also will mention that I have sexual thoughts and experiences alone in my bedroom to her, which makes me very conflicted on this. I have found myself frequently slipping and accidentally admiring her breasts and beauty, so my hatred of her personality gets jumbled in my attraction of her.
Her and my Dad just fight all the time and it’s exhausting. I always wish that one day in an argument she will just say that she’s leaving to live at a friend’s house or somewhere else for good. Or my Dad will just notice how bad of an environment she’s making for me and my brother and will kick her out.
I can’t really defend my brother though. Like I said, he purposefully ignores the rules set by the household so he technically deserves to get yelled at. But I follow the rules and still have to be near the yelling, so it’s not fair. My brother also refuses to get a job and talks to his friends all night (he makes noise at night which can wake my stepmom up). He also uses all the gas I put in the car and during family time, will legit get up every 5 minutes to avoid hanging out with us and avoid a moment where my family can call him out for being unemployed and doing ‘nothing’ all day. He will legit sneak away to the bathroom to vape or kill time and use the car and the gas I paid for for doordash, just so he can pay for fast food, vape paraphernalia, and kratom.
He’s basically living paycheck to paycheck. He doordashes to make money for gas which he uses to then doordash to make money for vapes and fast food and kratom and alcohol. Then when he runs out, he repeats the cycle of doordashing over and over just to numb himself with vapes and food and kratom and alcohol.
He’s a good guy, I know that. He just lies and stalls and refuses to get a job. It’s really hard for him to be honest. I asked why he won’t work a job that’ll hire anyone, like at McDonald’s or Shoprite and he’s very vague and says that basically he doesn’t like that job and wants something cooler/ more interesting. But he makes no progress. He has no degree or experience and is $10,000 in credit card debt. I feel him. He probably feels like a failure and that he’s too deep in the weeds to get out, so he’s given up.
At the same time, as far as I can see, he has nothing ‘major’ holding back. He is not in any major pain or has any major illness. I don’t see why he can’t just get a part time job where he works 4 hours a day a few times a few, just to contribute something and get my dad off his back. What does he think i’ll get rich or something from a computer project?
I don’t know. I just know that everyday my Dad complains to me about him and it’s getting annoying. My dad will ask why my brother doesn’t work or do anything at all everyday. Like seriously. My brother is contributing NOTHING financially. I contribute food stamps at least. And my Dad will badger me asking where my brother is all the time and I have to keep saying he’s doing doordash. My Dad will even ask me if my brother is mentally ill because it seems my brother has no sense of urgency or desire to work and that he wants to mooch off my Dad. And I have to take the brunt of this emotional turmoil my Dad has everyday about it cause AGAIN, whenever there’s a situation where the family is at home chilling, my brother will strategically leave somewhere every five minutes to avoid confrontation.
But yes, I know, yes, he ‘helps’ me by sometimes making me meals and talking to me. But his bad look is reflecting on me. My dad always grills him to get a job but apparently now is the ‘last straw’. What I mean by that is that my brother has been ‘looking for a job’ for like a year now. But I know he’s just stalling and lying. So far, my Dad has taken away his bedroom door and his gaming PC and has made him go to IOP. My brother will also sleep through appointments with psychiatrists and physicians and therapists. I have no clue where his head is at. He’s always scrolling tiktok and seems wise and always gives me advice on things and calls me out when i’m wrong on something.
But my brother is still doing nothing and accomplishing far less than me. But really, I don’t care about that. I just want us all to be happy and to stop having my brother go virtually no where and do nothing everyday and make my Dad sad about it.
But now is the ‘last straw’ I guess. My Dad says that if he doesn’t have a job by april then I guess he’ll ‘kick him out’ for real now?
I have plans to move out in a month too.. but my brother can’t stay with me, so if my brother is stalling until I move out it makes no sense if he wants to live with me secretly?
Anyways, on another topic, so, due to how my brother doesn’t clean anything really. The responsibility is on me to watch all the dishes, put them away, clean stains and crumbs, etc.
On top of that, we now have a curfew. We cannot make food past 10pm because my stepmom claims that the smell of food cooking gives her headaches. We also can’t be upstairs past 11pm. And what do you know? It’s 11:16pm right now and my brother is of course breaking the rules making food upstairs and risking another screaming match at 2am from my stepmom.
We are also not allowed to eat in our rooms. This has been a rule for years now, which again, my brother does not care. We used to circumvent this rule by bringing food in a paper towel to not get caught but my brother literally doesn’t care at all to the point where he’ll literally bring full on plates and bowls of food to his room and my Dad and stepmom can easily notice. He also will literally steal the family beers or wine and bring them to his room.
I am mainly pissed because I choose to follow all the rules and I feel like a pussy for it because my brother doesn’t follow the rules at all. Plus, our bedrooms are right next to eachother. If my stepmom screams at him at 2am, I will wake up and have to endure the screaming too for the next hour and be scared for my life.
Anyway, my brother aside, I blame my Dad for the other (non brother related really) illogical/ irrational/ lying stuff by my stepmom. Going along with all this because I guess he is so desperate for anyone to marry him that he married a crazy person who defies logic and lies and torments us. Mainly me because I actually try to do the right thing and don’t deserve this.
On top of this, I will just end how at dinner today when my stepmom was complaining, I was cringing so hard and wanted to just blurt out to her that she is delusional. She is not some unlucky ‘victim’ of weird coworkers/family/people that hate her for no reason. Put two and two together. For shit like that to happen so much it probably means that you personally have deep flaws that make other people like your coworkers treat you like shit. And it’s true. She’s batshit crazy and has some reality distortion field. I really can’t tell if she’s purposely lying about the things that aren’t true or if she really believes it. It’s that crazy.
I wanted to just scream about her irrational screaming at her and my brother 10+ times in the past year over just lies and point out that she is the ‘mean’ person causing all this! I feel unsafe at any second now that i’ll just hear her bang on my door at 2am and scream for two hours and I can’t tell her to be quiet because in the past, that’s just made her more mad. So I must just be quiet and endure it. I cannot leave the house in this cold weather because I have nowhere else to go.
Anyway, my point is that she’s not a victim and it probably isn’t her coworkers/family’s fault! I think she is a gaslighter and that she really is the mean person and the problem! Not them! Batshit crazy lady. I hope when I leave I can realize how bad I had it hear and not miss it (mainly her).
Remember guys: if you’re dealing with a manipulative evil person, most likely, unless you have control, you cannot speak up and argue back. It makes things worse if you have nowhere to go and are forced to live with them. Just stay quiet until you can leave for good. And try not to miss your abuser either when you’re gone, i’ve heard of that happening to people too. Just realize how bad it was and move on.
-Viper
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