My horrible experiences with women

I have had horrible experiences with women in my life. Mind you I am 25 and most of my life i’ve been overweight and insecure (still am insecure to this day lol).

So to start off, i’ve technically ‘tried’ to be with 12 girls in my lifetime.

When I was 10, I liked a neighbor who lived three doors down from me. I vividly remember hanging out with her all the time. We hung out so much that I ended up asking her out many many times. I wasn’t crazily attracted to her, but I have a tendency to try to go out with any girl I hang out with (even if I don’t find them crazily attractive- personality and looks wise).

So I remember asking her out and telling her I loved her many many times and she’d say no or just laugh and ignore me lol. But I do remember her inviting me to eat dinner with her family which was cool I guess. Then she moved a few years later.

Then also when I was 9 – 12 years old I had a buddy who set me up with his friend who was a girl. He set it up so I could kiss her on the cheek on our schoolbus. I remember kissing her and seeing her visibly cringe when I kissed her. Then we were set up and we became boyfriend girlfriend and she broke up with me in school after a day.

Then I had a friend who a girl set me up with another girl in middle school. I got to hug this girl I was set up with on the bus. Then after a day she broke up with me in school too, and she was hanging with the other girl who broke up with me before this.

Then I lived in switzerland for a year and liked a girl named Anna. Again though, I didn’t really like her all that much. I just decided to like her and ask her out because I thought she liked me and she gave me some attention and was mildly attractive. She rejected me.

Then before that in elementary school a girl, ‘A’, rejected me. Then in 7th grade another girl with the first letter of her name, ‘A’, rejected me as well. Then another girl by the first letter ‘J’ rejected me too. Then I was invited to hang out with this dude by the letter ‘D’ and he had girls over who gave me a courtesy hug and kiss on the cheek out of niceness. And then in Switzerland I remember it was our daily two hour lunch time and I felt homesick and lonely. I lived an hour from school and while all the kids got to go home at lunch I had no time to so I was stuck at school. A bunch of older girls (like 16 or 17) came over and talked to me. I explained how I was sad and lonely. There was this blonde white girl and a black girl too. They both hugged me and kissed me and all my friends were amazed and asked how I pulled it off. Side note: all my ‘friends’ teased and bullied me daily, in which they’d claim we were ‘joking around’ if you asked them.

Then I got to high school back in the USA. I remember being in gym class with a girl by the first letter ‘G’ for anonymity purposes. It was gym class and I noticed she’d always be smiling and laughing at my jokes. I misinterpreted that cause she actually smiled and laughed with everyone. I remember walking up after gym class and asking her to hang out. She immediately said she’d only hang out with me if it was with other friends too.

Then from freshman year until senior year, there was this insanely pretty girl in my french class who we’ll call ‘J’. She had the nicest bottom I had ever seen. I used to be very nervous talking to her but she was still so nice to me. If I could go back I would of just asked her out. I remember she dating this older dude who I was also friends with and I gave them some w*ed one time. I also remember driving in a car with the girl and her boyfriend at the time. She was wearing very revealing short shorts and I remember looking down and glancing at her legs. She immediately looked at me as if I made her uncomfortable which was strange because we actually were okay friends and talked many times and I checked her out many times before..

Then I basically gave up on the dating scene for the rest of high school. I used to just isolate having sessions of getting extremely stoned atleast twice a day. I’d just hide in my room, eat fast food, smoke, and watch movies and fall asleep everyday.

Then I got sick of masturbating to porn so I visited a hotel and saw an escort on two occasions. It was all fueled my a weed dab pen. I remember having intercourse with this huge black woman and this young skinny woman in college but could not ‘finish’, if you know what I mean.

Then I got to college and again went crazy. I went on Nofap for six months my first year of college. I did a sort of prank where I went around to like 50 girls I randomly encountered on campus. I’d say that they were pretty, and I asked if they were single and if they thought I was attractive. Then i’d ask for their snapchat. This worked and I got like 5 snapchats. But then a girl reported me to the college and I had to talk to my hall director and get grilled by him.

But I managed to have a date with this bisexual girl we’ll call ‘B’. I remember she was hispanic with a very nice bottom as well. We had lunch in the dining hall and a friend at the time named Sam saw us eating and literally walked up to the girl I was on a date with and tried sliding in and asking for her snapchat too. What a bastard lol. Then we walked together back to my door and we sat outside and I asked her some questions that I found online. It was quite stale and I could tell she wasn’t interested. I told her how I took LSD twelve times in life and she told me that I shouldn’t do that if i’m mentally ill. Then I told her of studies about how LSD helped mental illnesses.

Things fizzled out after that.

There was an older lady I saw at the gym and I got her instagram. Then there was another latina at the dining hall who I swooped in and sat across from her and tried to rizz up as well. Then there was a redhead who I got her number by walking up to her on campus. Then I talked to her via text and she realized I was shallow and she blocked me.

Then there was this african american girl who liked me and kept trying to go on a date with me but I wasn’t attracted to her. Then there was a bigger girl who I met on tinder and I hung out in her dorm. We were watching Moana and she grabbed my hand and caressed it and I panicked and ran out the room because I wasn’t attracted to her.

Then in my final semester before I dropped out, a neurodivergent girl was really interested in me and said I was very interesting and smart. It seemed she really wanted to pursue me, but I said no because I thought it wouldn’t be appropriate to date a neurodivergent woman, thinking it’d be like taking advantage or something.

Finally all through the end of college, I had been keeping in touch with a girl, ‘V’ who I met in 2018 when I worked at Wendy’s. When I went to college, we were an hour away so we stopped talking. But there was a point before I dropped out of college that I tried to get back in touch with her. I vividly remembering her taking forever to respond to me, and I had been obsessed with waiting for her response. She could take anywhere from 10 minutes to a few days.

I remember fantasizing about seeing her and thinking how much she loved me while I listed to sexual music like The Weeknd or Partynextdoor, specifically, ‘Break from Toronto’, ‘Wusgood/curous’ and ‘Under your spell’ by Desire.

I remember she had sent me a picture of her bare breasts during one typical night where I was stoned all day smoking in the bathroom. I then proceeded to draw some artwork where I drew her riding me cowgirl while we had sex. When she saw it she was immediately outraged and uncomfortable, telling me to destroy the artwork. Then we stopped talking.

When I finally came from college, we met again in 2021. I remember I had went from 160 to like 210 or so during COVID. We were texting again and she decided she’d finally come over to my house so we could have sex and in her words, ‘be done with’. She thought if we had sex i’d leave her alone. Well of course, I was stoned that night and obviously had done my usual routine of masturbating to porn everyday. If I had known she was coming over like three or four days in advance, I would of put the weed down and abstained from porn and masturbation.

But yeah, she came over late at night and I put on some music by Juice WRLD. I closed the door and locked it and she took her clothes off. She was very drunk and insisted on not touching my penis or kissing me. But she insisted on me going down on her and sucking her boobs. I won’t lie, I wasn’t very attracted to her in person. Her photos were good, but in person wasn’t the same — maybe due to my high standards from all the porn I watched and my performance anxiety from being high on weed.

I remember going crazy going down on her for a long time. Then it was time for intercourse. I could not get it up. The sight of her bare vagina and body just didn’t turn me on– maybe cause of the weed I don’t know. She was just laying there basically half awake with her eyes closed and very tipsy. So I tried to get it up for a while and just couldn’t. I remember her waking up and saying in a sad tone “can’t get it up?” and me feeling sad for her maybe thinking she wasn’t attractive enough for me to get it up for her.

But looking back, she really wasn’t trying very hard. She made me go down on her and suck her boobs but wasn’t willing to kiss me or touch my penis or give me HJ, you know? Then she showed me some festivals from ecuador, her home country and told me how it was her dream to visit there some day. She then said for me to go to the gym and to use her as motivation to get in shape. Pisses me off cause she’s talking like it’s so short and easy to get buff and in shape. Like no, that takes years of consistently going and completing changing eating habits.

So yeah, we stopped talking after that. Then a year later, she abruptly sends me a picture of her topless and then I got obsessed with her again. I started asking all the time why she was not giving me much attention or texting me that much and she blocked me for being too clingy.

Fast forward two years to mid 2023, she walked into a store that I was currently working a shift as a janitor at. I became very creepy and startled her and said: “V***, it’s me? Remember?” Then she shuddered and fumbled backwards then ran to this dude. I asked who it was and she said it was her new husband. That crushed me.

So yeah, that girl ‘V’ was the last of anything close to a girl I ever had in life recently. Currently working on other relationships taking it slow. There’s a woman employee who worked nearby my therapist who i’m trying to be smooth and build rapport with and maybe get somewhere natural with. Then there’s a girl at my boxing club who i’m trying with as well. Also I try and look for possible women to ask out at my other recreational club as well.

I’m sure there’s other experiences with women i’ve had in my life that i’m forgetting and might add in later. But yeah, thanks for reading!

And keep trying guys! I sure will!

-Viper