In around April of 2023, my brother’s friend (who we’ll call G) came over. He was (and still is ) my brother’s friend from Long Island. I remember I was doing my usual BS at the time of basically just being in my room all day and vaping and smoking or whatever. Then I guess I heard my brother knock on my door telling me to say hello to his friend ‘G’.
I remember leaving my room and going into my brother’s and being my usual timid self. I remember immediately seeing a pack of marlboro reds. Mind you, i’m three years sober from anything nicotine related right now, but not back then. But just now, looking up a pack of these Marlboro Reds and seeing the box and font that say ‘Marlboro Red Label’ still makes me want a cigarette, lol. It’s the combination of knowing how cool it feels to smoke a cigarette and the look of holding a cigarette to other people and the design of the box and the adrenaline rush of ‘being/doing something bad’ — like smoking a cigarette (as they say).
Anyways, i’m chilling in my brother’s room with his friend G (as we’ll say for anonymity purposes). I remember thinking the dude was very cool and attractive and stuff. But, my usual self with very low self esteem and a low social battery wanted to go back to my room very soon after. I remember talking to them (my brother and ‘G’) for a bit then basically saying I want to go back to my room. Then G mentions how they’re going to go party in New Haven and they invited me along. I gave a ‘maybe’ and signalled that I was going back to my room. Then G basically insists I go– hell even more than that. I vividly remember him saying “You’re going.”. Lol. And he said that over and over. His attractiveness and confidence and love for me really hit deep.
So I said i’d go if he’d let me have a cigarette. I remember it was raining out and I took the cigarette and smoked it outside. I had a huge tolerance to nicotine so I didn’t get a buzz but I didn’t need it. Just the feeling of being cool smoking a cigarette and the burning smell and the whole fire and ash aesthetic of the cigarette wowed me.
So then we took an uber to a parking lot in New Haven. Funnily enough, G had just matched on Tinder with a girl named Natalie from New York. She drove this big SUV (Toyota I think) like an hour and a half just to meet up with us. Her and G were hitting it off. Then we went to a restaurant and got some good food. All three of us (G, my brother and I) were sneaking vape hits all throughout the dinner by blowing the vapor under the table. Natalie called us all out for how addicted and crazy we were about vaping every 10 minutes at a restaurant LOL. Funny enough too, she also vaped but she saved it for appropriate settings where you’re allowed to. So all four of us were vapers LOL.
Then I remember we go to a club after and G is buying all of us drinks and is super friendly. I remember him constantly buying drinks for me at like the perfect timing. What I mean by this is while we were at the club dancing with the crazy lights and what not, i’d get tired or sad or just slow down in energy, due to many things. Like maybe a girl didn’t wanna dance with me or gave me a dirty look, or I felt self conscious for being overweight or whatever, or I got jealous of other hot women dancing with dudes who were much better looking than me. And many times when I’d get sad over shit like that, my buddy G would immediately look over to me and ask what drink I wanted.
I’d say a vodka pineapple or something and he’d go get it. Then he’d come back and give it to me at the perfect moment to cheer me up. A real G. I remember dancing with him and his date Natalie and my brother. My brother had killer confidence and self esteem. I frequently would see him dancing some cool moves with his eyes closed and just enjoying the moment without caring if people were watching/judging him. I was the opposite. I was and still am a tryhard. I’d be scanning the dance floor to see who was looking at me. I’d be hardpressed focused on the music and make sure I was dancing on rhythm to the music and that I had a unique dance and would scan to see if people were impressed. I remember some other young dudes smiled at me and commented on my good dancing.
Then G’s date was dancing with everyone too. I remember she actually grinded on me and danced with me and smiled at me as well. That made me feel very good because I was (and still am) very overweight and think I appear very self conscious and kind of sad/depressed due to some life events in the past I deeply regret.
A common theme with the dancing is that I just wanted more. The dancing and the social contact and the alcohol and the vaping hyped me up more and more until i’d crash and want the next big thing. That could be: an actual girl to dance with, to kiss or to get her number. It could even be a puff of weed or even some intrusive thoughts that i’d never act on, like to do cocaine or something.
Anyways. We all danced for a while then dipped out. My brother got a lot of photos with his Polaroid that I still have. Everyone told me that it looked like I was having so much fun and that I was really drunk even though I remember not feeling any alcohol at all and being self conscious and sad a lot.
Oh yeah, besdies that, my brother had one of his friends from work there dancing with us all night too.
After the dancing and stuff was over, it was me, G, and his date Natalie walking on the sidewalk together. Me and the others were just zoned out walking, not really thinking. I remember that my brother and his friend from work, ‘O’, were 10 feet in front of us, walking slowly and having a moment.
We had no idea they were having a moment, and I guess we were walking too close to them and intruded on their romance. It was too late though because immediately after, my brother asked all of us why we were walking so close to them when it was obvious they wanted their space for romance. Me, G and Natalie seriously were not thinking at all and had no idea that was happening. So my brother was upset that we cramped his style.
Then Natalie drove all of us home while G was playing suicideboys on the AUX. ‘O’ drove herself home in the other car she drove separately to the clubs that that night. Then Natalie and G wrap things up and say goodbye. G is staying the night. Right when we all get home and go to my brother’s room, my brother grills both me and G about that he and his friend from work were having a moment and he asks us how we couldn’t figure that out and why we ruined their moment. We both apologized and said we had no idea what was going on.
I vividly remember G saying that he’s sorry so many times and that he’s ‘retarded’ and that he didn’t know lol.
Then my brother gets a drink from upstairs while me and G are just talking. We’re shooting the shit, vaping each other’s vape pens and talking about how we feel bad for ruining my brother’s moment with his friend from work ( a woman from work btw ). G profusely says over and over that he had no idea that my brother and O were having a romantic moment (that we ruined).
My part of the story is I remember walking close to my brother and O and I had a slight feeling we were cramping their style but I just thought of it absentmindedly and didn’t care/ read into things that much to know to stop.
Then I start talking to G about his life and he said that he used to live with an older woman with her kids but things didn’t work out. I think because the woman thought he wasn’t mature enough or something. He then hits a weed dab cart and offers me some but I say no due to it making me paranoid usually and me not wanting that at the time.
We then all wrap things up and head to bed. Weirdly, I end the conversation and go to my room not thinking to myself something like “this night was really fun and I wish I could of hung out more with G tonight and that G is such an amazing dude”. I just think how i’m tired and want to go to bed and that the night was pretty fun.
Then, crazily enough, I wake up the next day and G is gone. I had woken up really early and they were still sleeping (like 6am) and then I woke up too late at like 12pm in the afternoon and it was too late and G was gone. He was already on a ferry to Long Island. Weirdly, my heart sort of drops and I realize how much I liked the dude more than I thought, and I wished I got to talk to him more, because he’s now gone. It’s like the saying “you never know what you got till it’s gone.”. . Mainly because him being gone I realized I had so few friends & experiences like that who made me feel that special and made me feel that much love.
I end up texting him and he says we’re all gonna hang out again very soon. That was in april of 2023. So about two years ago. It seems he isn’t that eager to hang out because we all (my brother and I) rarely talk with G anymore really. Probably for the best. What are we all gonna do? Walk around the streets of new york and spend a shit ton of money on food and alcohol? I don’t smoke/vape anymore and i’m also on a diet and trying to eat better and spend less on food altogether. Yes, I know I can eat healthy foods at restaurants but that seems like a waste of eating at a restaurant lol.
I guess we could all just sit around and talk for a few hours but if we’re all hanging out we’re hanging out for at least a day or two so..? What do we all do for a day or more besides eating or drinking or talking? Video games? We can all do that on discord right now.
That’s probably why relationships and hanging with women is much more enticing. Atleast in a relationship you can kiss eachother and make love and cuddle and what not lol.
I just can’t believe that morning how I missed the dude so much and wished I hung out with him more. My love for him when he was here was so much less than when he was gone.
G has now had a girlfriend for like two years now and still goes on discord to play games. I could technically go on the discord to talk to him and play games with him but I frequently get comments from my brother that it’s weird for me to join a full discord just to single G out and only talk to him and do my usual conversation. My usual conversation of: “Hey G, how’s it going?”. Then watching him play his game silently then saying bye. I guess all that is seen as weird so I barely join their discord anymore (I don’t really have anyone else besides G on that discord I want to talk to either).
So yeah. Fun night that night. Cherish your memories guys. If you can, think in the future whether the current moment will be appreciated later on much more than you presently think. That could make you more grateful and appreciative of the current moment. 🙂
-Viper.
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