Family problems

I live in an extremely toxic family and household. But I never complain or speak up because of the many times i’ve done that it has just made things worse.

All the family members who I complain to about things all have a remedy or answer and I feel gaslit bring it up.

For example, my Dad mentions how I should have been disciplined more as a kid and that my mom didn’t discipline me enough. So then I mention how my grandma (his mother) hit me and that that wasn’t right. Then he gaslights me by saying that she never hit me (she technically slapped me).

Or with my stepmom two years ago in the end of 2023. I remember coming home from a long lonely two hour walk. I get in the house and go to the kitchen and am in a joking silly mood. Things escalate when she walks in as i’m joking around about things. She starts screaming at me that I eat her food and never respect her food. Yes she has some validity there I guess. I start commenting on how she doesn’t deserve to be this bossy as she’s the girlfriend of my Dad and not a true blood family member.

Then she goes on about how i’m the reason she has to take meds and how my personality changes every day and how I take advantage of Dad and my grandma. Then I comment on how she annoys literally everything with her talking problems (she talks way too much with little awareness of if she’s being annoying or not letting the other person talk enough). Then she says i’m an ass and that it’s a miracle i’m still alive. Then she comments on how nobody cares if I yawn or cough (i’m self conscious about those things). Not a single thing calmed her down or went into consideration. It was a full on screaming match which I was forced to submit to because I have nowhere else to live so I have to obey.

Fast forward a few years, there’s literally a fight atleast once a month. Except it’s directed towards my brother. Long story short, my brother stole some of my Dad’s medication like two years ago. Since then, my stepmom has used that as fuel for arguing about anything she wants. Whenever someone comments on how what she’s saying is lies, she says “Oh but your son (my brother) stole meds two years ago” (so she now has basis to be paranoid and accuse us of everything).

On my birthday she blatantly made up bullshit and ruined it by saying that I shoved her toothbrush up my ass. Then she accused me of staring down the hallway towards her room and lurking while she’s sleeping. Then before that she made a rule that I can’t stand on the top of the staircase. Then she put a lock on a cabinet in the kitchen and she accused us of “staring at the lock”. Then my brother got yelled at for taking a bowl from a cabinet in the kitchen which apparently was her cabinet but no one told us at all?

Then a week ago I guess she made up some bullshit saying she’s unsafe at night and we keep her up. So now we cannot cook past 10pm and we can’t be in the living room past 11pm (the rule before was we must be done in the kitchen and living room past 12pm).

Then a week ago my brother was screamed at firmly for keeping my stepmom up. Her rationale was that our dog, Casey (who was a dog on my stepmom’s family’s side that we rescued) is constantly being woken up and starts howling because my brother goes upstairs at 2am. Meanwhile, I literally hear all this go down. Our dog, Casey, will start howling at 2am over anything: a neighbor’s dog, a car driving in the distance. Even crazy shit like me or my brother using the bathroom at 2am (which should be allowed??).

Then, you won’t believe this shit: my stepmom complains she gets migraines from smelling people cooking too late?! WTF? She also says she gets migraines from my brother’s clothes, which she says smells moldy from not being cleaned properly. Like the last argument, I was dragged in because she has another universal excuse (like my brother stealing meds). Her universal excuse about me is that 4 years ago, when my Dad brought her home from a date, she was sitting on the couch. Then apparently I walked over to her on the couch and put my face like a foot away from hers and I motioned with my mouth that I wanted to kiss her.

I don’t remember that. Her excuse when I said I don’t remember that was that “Oh course you don’t remember like every other sexual predator out there! They’re not gonna admit it and get in trouble!”. What I remember was my Dad brought her home from a date and came home drunk and passed out on the bed. Then, she walked into the living room and she was standing still looking around. Then I closed my mouth and looked at her and made a kissing motion with my mouth while looking at her and making humming noises. Then she told me “You want a kiss? Oh. No. Never. Absolutely not.”.

Why did I want a kiss from her? No one believes me. I shit you not, I am responsible for her being with my Dad. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was COVID and it was basically just me and Dad at home. My dad and mom just divorced and my Dad was lonely. Then I remember my Dad calling me into his office and asking me who on his computer screen do I think is the prettiest? Apparently, these were pictures of women going to a meetup group or on a dating site, I don’t remember. And I ended up picking the women who became my Dad’s girlfriend (and now wife).

So, based off that, maybe you can understand why I did that kissing BS. After all, I basically was the one who brought her into the house (and later marry my dad) to begin with.

There is literally no rhyme or reason to why/ if my stepmom will start screaming at my brother. 95% of the time the fights are towards my brother but the scary part is that I have no control. I don’t wanna speak up because as shown in 2023, speaking up just stoked the fire. I have no where else to live so I have to just be silent and wait till it’s over. Right now is kind of a record. I think it’s been a week and a half till her last screaming episode. Did I mention that she always drags me into it? Everytime her screaming at my brother loses momentum, she’ll pull a fast one saying “I don’t feel comfortable living here because of your weird brother who tried to kiss me and who lurks around and stares at me!”.

Mind you.. I already apologized years ago for whatever kissing thing she remembers. On top of that, for atleast the past 2+ years i’ve kept in mind to not stare at her or go near her room or ever doing a kissing thing like that again. What more does she want? I really feel she just wants to drive me insane so I call 9/11 and go to the psych ward again so she gets all of Dad’s attention again.

I’ll end by basically saying more proof of her insanity. First off, her family hates her. She’s told stories of her sibilings literally telling her to kill herself to her face. There’s also stories of her being at a family party and standing around while her family members are 10 feet away whispering amongst eachother how much they hate her. On top of that, her only child (her daughter) ghosted her five years ago and lives with her Dad who also doesn’t speak to my stepmom either.

Then she has employment problems: Right before COVID my stepmom was allegedly drugged to have sex with. According to her, she showed up at a hotel with her box and her boss gave her weed gummies and she had sex with him. What happened after? She sued him and the company and won the lawsuit lol.

What else? She’s worked at a gym and had an altercation where a customer got in her face and threatened her. My assumption? This customer saw how egotistic and controlling and arrogant she is and wasn’t having that. What else? She worked for a car dealership and made no sales and quit. What else? She worked as a substitute and her coworker got in her face as well and started shit talking her. Then my stepmom quit. And then her latest employment was working in a home for disabled people and watching over them and taking them places.

What did she say about that? That they were mean and took advantage to her. She said this shit at family therapy and all I wanted to say was: “YOU”RE MEAN?! ARE YOU DELUSIONAL?! You scream at us over lies every week at 2 in the morning and your family hates you! How are you this delusional?”

When I talked to my Dad he said some bullshit too how basically she has a rationale for these fights because my brother stole meds and I tried to kiss her. Oh and he said that she’s a good person and that he wouldn’t have married a bad person.

Yeah, I don’t know. It’s really not great of an insult to just say that someone’s a bad person cause they yell at us over lies and that their family hates her. I’ll move on now.

I live with my Dad who is bullimic and a control freak. Both him and his Dad and Mother have an eating disorder. Also my relatives do too. My grandmother ritually starves herself and drinks diet tea. My Dad throws up all the time. My grandfather throws up all the time too. My aunt drinks diet tea. It wouldn’t bother me if both my Grandma, Grandpa and relatives wouldn’t check out my body up and down and comment if I lost weight or not.

My brother has major problems too. His computer was just taken away. I shit you not, long story short, he’s been screamed at 5+ times that he stays up too late and that he plays too many video games and needs to get a job. What does he do after each time? I shit you not, he will blatantly do the opposite of what he’s told and pull an all nighter playing games. What’s the icing on top? His fucking door was taken away months ago because he’d just lock himself in his room sleeping and not apply for jobs. So now he’s literally pulling all nighters playing games with his door off so anyone can see and so anyone can yell at him. And due to how my room is next door, if they yell at him I have to hear it too.

Plus, he drinks a lot and these fucking psychiatrists who decided to give him adderall are out of their minds. Ever since then he’s crazy! I watch him sometimes and he’s just tweaking out, grinding his teeth, licking his lips moving his lips like a spaz. He’s so strung out now! I love him but yeah. And I believe he has an alcohol addiction. On top of that he’s a nicotine vape addict and a kratom addict too. Fuck whoever made kratom legal. All my brother does is live paycheck to paycheck off kratom, alcohol, and nicotine ejuice.

He’ll literally doordash, make a little money, use that money for kratom and ejuice, and then use the remaining money for gas. Then when he runs out of kratom and ejuice, he’ll repeat the cycle and doordash to buy everything all over again.

Then there’s my Mom (my real mom). Both her and my Dad are former drug and alcohol addicts. Well not really. When I was 14 (2014), in my freshman year of high school, my parents got really serious about going sober and they went to rehabs for good basically. But they aren’t 100% sober. One bad day or fight with my stepmom and my Dad will get drunk and just go to bed. Same with my Mom. She just hides it now and she can because she lives alone. Apparently according to my sister, she’s drunk all the time and is wasted off Xanax a lot too that her doctor prescribes. She also smokes cigarettes too which is crazy because she used to vape and she’d always say she vaped the ejuice with no nicotine. So she just hides it. I feel awful for my mom because she works 6 days a week. She seems okay and not depressed but yeah.

Then there’s my sister. I love her but she’s so high maintenance. We have a lot of problems together and it’s a vicious cycle. Back when I was younger she used to call me out for the fact that I used to not really look at her in the eye and just give her the side eye. On top of that, even recently she’ll constantly insult me for being awkward and quiet. On top of that, if i’ll be around her and look at her too much she’ll raise her voice and say “WHAT?!”. It always devolves into me forcing myself to not look at her much at all out of fear of being called out. Apparently though, according to her, she’s said i’m the most fascinating person in every room and that I always have been and always will.

I’m very confused by that. Whenever i’m around people I feel like a paranoid spaz. I’m always watching people and scared and overstimulated and barely say a word. On top of that, no one really talks to me. Not that I want to talk to people more (talking drains me and makes me embarassed of my awkwardness), but I have only one friend who we talk to regularly. I have a low amount of social media followers too. Plus, i’m unemployed and don’t have much money. So, again, i’m confused. Maybe in the future i’ll finally get what I deserve, but right now, I really don’t have many things to indicate i’m the most fascinating person ever.

I have a bachelor’s degree, yes. But the only jobs i’ve worked are minimum wage as a janitor and cashier and shit. I’m disabled and have been unemployed for two years. I am extremely socially awkward and have very few friends. I also constantly live in regret of a mistake I made years ago where I wasted my life savings and so now I must pay for it by dealing with chronic pain and regret and must build my savings again while living with my crazy, explosive, volatile and unpredictable family.

Here’s to living, right!

-Viper