I started boxing in December, around December 7th I believe. I already have so many memories. I have probably had around 30 or so sessions so far. Each session is an hour and a half long. It started off with this young boxing coach named Josh and another named Jake. Weirdly after the first session, every time after that both Josh and Jake never showed up and it resorted to it being the actual owner of the gym being the coach since then.
A lot of great experiences. I started off at 256 pounds but very unstable. I’d go phases of losing weight then not caring anymore and jumping up 10 or even 20 pounds. My highest weight was at 275 pounds or so. I remember going to my pediatrician and him literally telling me i’m pre diabetes and that scared me to death. This is even after the years of worrying about my weight constantly. I’d have periods where I counted calories or fasted or starved myself or cut out fast food entirely and I still couldn’t control my weight and gained weight all the time.
So yeah, my routine for a long time would be to eat, deprive myself, and then be like: “oh, I lost 3 pounds, I can eat fast food”. Then I gained it all back. Not even solely through fast food. It’d be from homemade and frozen food too. I averaged fast food twice a week, so $200 a month. I seriously got to a point where I was a stagnant weight and was fine with flip flopping: losing weight by starving myself and skipping meals, then rewarding myself with fast food. Basically just by staying at a weight and constantly losing or gaining so I could keep eating fast food. Fast food, sleeping and masturbation are my big vices. Ever since boxing I have not bought fast food for myself even once. So two months. So i’ve saved $400 total by cutting out fast food.
And then just today and the days before I had major ‘heartbreaks’. First off, since boxing, I have not committed fully to a proper lifestyle. I would continue to eat basically everything I used to except now I’d just eat much less or skip meals and starve and fast for real. With that dietary lifestyle I have lost five pounds but at the cost of literally being hungry 90% more of the day. Just today I asked for help from the coach and I was actually so suprised. I got some rare advice and tricks that I really don’t find online or from common knowledge.
First off, the coach told me to never ever fast. Which is crazy because intermittent fasting is a real thing that google will tell you is a proper weight loss technique. I also was firmly told to not eat all the foods I usually eat (frozen chicken tenders, sandwiches, bread, etc) even if I count the calories of them. Why? I don’t know. It seems possible to lose weight by eating anything as long as your total calories are at a deficit? Right. Well, their answer was less about calorie intake and more about what food does to your body. They basically said that eating bread and sandwiches and unhealthy stuff fills you up less and makes you hungrier quicker, so in the longterm it’d just be easier to stick to meats and vegetables? It will fill you up better and longer and longterm if you just stick to meats and vegetables that you will not crave unhealthy foods and relapse off the diet.
I also think what they meant is that if you eat unhealthy foods then it is hard to know when you’re full — so it is very hard to eat purely unhealthy foods and eat just the right amounts to lose weight?
They also told me to not drink water during a meal and only drink before and after. Plus, that I can eat rice but only every now and then. Also, to not drink sodas or sweets. It was just so strange and I shuddered inside because of how many unhealthy foods and drinks that are out there that seem normalized. Not even normalized, just i’ve literally seen buff guys and body builders who have cheat days where they eat pizza and drink soda. Not even that, it’s also that I have seem countless instances where buff and skinny people eat horrible foods but they eat a very small amount and don’t get carried away and stay buff and skinny.
Also, it’s the fact that again, I have few vices in life. I constantly question the little things: why wake up, why go to boxing, why eat less and healthier, why be nice to people, why stay drug-free without rewards? Fast food was my motivator, and I basically have to move on.
I guess now that I box and see my coach three times a week there is some pressure and support knowing someone cares and keeps track of me? So I have pressure to lose weight and eat healthy? In simple terms though, I constantly ask myself: “Why live if I can’t eat fast food sometimes?”. It literally was my motivator and reason to get out of bed on very sad days (I have depression.)?
I don’t know. I guess i’m starting to wrap my head around the fact that it is possible and that many people can motivate themselves to live and be skinny and happy without relying on fast food and overreating and other bad foods and being fat? Like basically that it is possible to be motivated even if I can’t get fast food twice a week? I don’t know if these people are on other drugs or have another major vice but look at Joe Rogan or Mike Tyson or Ben Affleck? They do it. Yes they’re rich and famous but they probably were able to stay skinny before the fame and money. On top of that, I’m wrapping my head around the fact that you can stay energetic and not weak and tired all the time even if you only eat meats and vegetables and stay on a deficit?
I also was told to not snack.. weirdly though she didn’t mention fruits. I have to eat fruit. Without eat i’d not get my sugar and i’d have very little options when i’m hungry if I don’t have time to make a proper meal.
Anyway.. so that’s fine. Weight loss is good but i’m under so much pressure and stress and so unmotivated now and feel like i’m gonna cave any second. Just feels pointless to live life so constricted and not do what you want cause life is so hard and it’s such a joke. Maybe instead i’ll think about how I want the long term goals? Instead of fast food and overreating to instead think of getting buff, skinny, able to run longer, my feet won’t hurt, i’ll have more confidence, a six pack (maybe) and a girlfriend and girls will like me more?
Besides that, the love I get at boxing is insane. I don’t know how this happened but I literally actually have friends now! I went from being an anti-social shut in for three years going to online college and working horrible jobs where it seemed like coworkers didn’t care about me or even didn’t like me from their dirty looks and stuff. Now, one at a time i’ve made friends! They give me knuckle touches and smile at me and I have small talk with them some time. And again, it was all one at a time. It started off with one dude who was my partner for a drill named Justin. Then over time I just was bored so I made small talk with him. Now he smiles at me and gives me a knuckle touch. Then it was another older dude named Carlos who I made small talk with and now he smiles and gives me a knuckle touch. Then it was with a guy named Alex. Then another dude named Andy. Then another younger guy named Ryan who smiled at me and gave me a knuckle touch. Then his Dad who complimented my beard and gave a knuckle touch. Then a guy named Lou. And the coach Cus too who always smiles at me and just seems to care about me a lot.
I know I pay $200 a month for it so it could be just the money, but i’ll take it! $200 a month is worth having a mentor and life coach and quitting fast food and having something to wake up for three times a week and the glory at the end knowing I got through the practice after wanting to quit many times during. Even besides all that, i’m friendly with pretty much everyone there. Some give me a smile and some even give me looks of respect. There’s even times where I made eye contact with like twenty people the entire time and am embarassed but feel proud when it’s over knowing I sort of got through the ‘judgement’ of everyone there. So it’s definitely raised my social skills and awkward social tolerances/ tolerance of social pressures. I guess I now have more comfort being around a lot of people for extended periods of time and feel more proud of myself cause I always think I look like a whack job but so far no one has made fun of me.
Anyways, besides that, I have definitely raised my confidence with women. I have a history of getting in major trouble with women: of being called out for staring or drawing inappropriate pictures or saying an inappropriate word or making them uncomfortable, etc. Weirdly though, like everyone women has suprised me there. Like I said, i’ve had problems with staring at women in the past. I have a hard time controlling my staring.
But at boxing, i’ve literally found myself saying like “i’ve pushed it too far, i’ve looked at these women too much and it almost certainly is being seen as me staring and making them uncomfortable. I need to stop or i’ll get in trouble or called out.” “Anyone would observe my behavior and say i’m not normal and am a creep for how many times I look at them.”
So then what happens? I do everything I can to not look. I use willpower, I hide behind objects so they’re not in my line of sight, etc. But for some reason, with a few of these women, I end up looking at them again anyway and they literally just smile at me. They seem completely fine and not creeped out. You can even say they like me looking at them? Which is just crazy. My expectations are completely flipped. And knowing women like/accept me and i’m not a creep? It makes my heart warm and I feel loved. So strange lol. Maybe i’ve changed and am ‘smoother’ with women or it’s that these women are rare and are different and so I’ve found the ones who like me.
So, yeah, good things, but a lot of discipline and pressure now. What’s helping me is breathing regulation and stress management with breathing excercises. I guess I don’t need fast food if I can just use breathing and oxygen as a vice instead.
Gn.
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