When I was 16 or 17, I had another acid trip with my friend T. I had another friend A there that actually be my w*eed guy after COVID started. He’d sell me w*ed c*rts for $30 a pop and drop them in my mailbox or i’d meet him at a street and he’d give it to me there. Funny story, right in the beginning of my start with buying c*rts from the dude, he dropped it in my mailbox and my Dad saw the dude do it and he went in the mailbox and took it. Then I looked in the mailbox myself without knowing what my Dad did, and I reached out to the dude (A) and said it wasn’t there. He insisted he left it so many times and actually came back and gave me a fresh one.
Then later on, i’m not sure what led up to it, but I spoke to my Dad and he said if I knew a blonde looking chinese dude (who was A). Apparently my Dad had snatched the c*rt and hide it in his dresser.
It’s also funny because both my Dad and my stepmom both openly are allowed to smoke weed whenever they want. They just don’t cause they don’t like it. My stepmom said it made her paranoid and she was worrying about long term effects. My dad says it makes him ‘stuck’ and analyze everything he’s doing and makes him feel bad about himself.
It’s weird. Our whole family has their vices. My Dad is a recovering alcoholic but isn’t 100% firm about it. On really bad days, he’ll still drink. But for me, my vice was weed and nicotine. But I can’t be ‘like’ my Dad and do it when i’m feeling really low. When I went to the psych ward he threw out everything: my weed, my nicotine vape juice, my nicotine vapes, my weed vapes, etc.
Anyways, back to the acid trip. I remember my buddy A and T and I were in T’s room. He had the go to smoke and take acid spot. I must of smoked and been high with T in that room atleast 50 times. I don’t remember the come up but I remember we all took a tab of acid. Then fast forward, I remember A and T were fighting. A had broken T’s headset and played CS:GO on his computer. T also didn’t like the vibe of the room so I just remember he left the house completely. I was sitting on the bed with A and basically fading in and out of awareness of the situation. I suddenly realized that T disappeared and I had a panic attack and was crying.
Again, I was sitting next to A and I kept saying something I can’t really remember. Maybe it was: “Where did T go” or something. Every minute A was asking me if I was okay. I basically broke down crying and was the most emotionally vulnerable with anyone my entire life. Just the whole feeling of being very sad about something (T leaving) and having someone hold me and comfort me (A) was so powerful and dramatic at the time.
Then we both calmed down and watched League of Legends twitch.tv streams on T’s laptop that he left in his room. We would laugh at these streamers (like a dude named Meteos) at how nerdy they were and how copacetic they were/talked and how this dude, whenever he’d die or make a mistake would complain in the most monotone way possible lol. Saying stuff like: “That’s so troll dude.” Lol.
I don’t remember much besides that, but I look/talk/think about that experience to that day as something much deeper. Like with my therapist, I brought it up that it might symbolize my abandonment issues when I was younger, or just generally not getting the right attention and love as I kid.
I guess you can say that acid (LSD) is very powerful and helpful in that regard, for possibly bringing up and healing childhood trauma.
Anyways, back to before, I say all that because as a kid, yes me and my sibilings and parents would hang and go on vacations and things were ‘ok’. But nothing like these days. These days, my family has ‘family time’ or ‘dinners’ everyday. Back in those days, there was very little structure and routine. My parents would basically, most days, just retreat to their rooms after they got home from work and drink alcohol till they fell asleep. That’s why I find it unfair that now I have basically obligatory rules to hang with my family everyday, when i’m a 25 year old grown up (but family time started getting serious since I was 20.).
Where were those rules when I needed them the most from my birth till I don’t know, 16? Nowadays i’m so grown up and have hung out with my family so much in the past years that i’m, sad to say, over it.
As a kid you want the most attention and time with your family. Growing up, me (and most other people) start having rebellious and independent thoughts and feelings, and want to move out or have their own private time as much as possible. I don’t want the opposite of that at age 20 – 25, but I guess I can say that I finally got my well-needed bonding with my family (even if it was so late)?
Again, I want to iterate. I am so grateful. Some people don’t have a family and were forced to be homeless. Some people can’t afford college or their own place. I am extremely grateful for all this (even if it means too much family time when i’m ready to move on and move out). I get it. Also, some other people are forced to work paycheck to paycheck. I am so incredibly grateful I can live on disability and food stamps and have freedom to do stuff like this: writing blog posts as much as I want and have other freedom, like to wake up whenever, go wherever, create whatever (maybe be a digital influencer/artist one day?).
Anyway. Thanks for reading, and be grateful!
-Viper
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