Today was alright. I read a bit, went to boxing, came home, ate dinner, and worked on some projects. Currently my friend has reached out around the fifth time telling me about a new business he wants to start with me. I appreciate him talking to me and trying to help me with my money problem (I am so hungry for money these days), but these things just don’t work out.
Last time I came over my house I talked with him for hours about how I want more money like I used to have. We brainstormed ideas and he eventually told me we should either start wholesaling through real estate or he asked me to make a website for his and his dad’s HVAC company.
I am not interested in HVAC and designing original website layouts isn’t my speciality. But I faked it and pushed myself as hard as I could. And it fizzled out. I tried to make it a cooperative effort where the dude (my friend) would guide me along the way, maybe watch my screen as I make it and tell me exactly what to make. But it was obvious he didn’t want to do that. He essentially just wanted me to make the website in however I see fit, with minimal help from him.
Again, HVAC and designing/creating websites is not my specialty and I don’t enjoy it much. Especially when, if I make it, there is no guarantee this dude will pay me.
Then moving on with the real estate thing with him. This is the third+ attempt at working on this. Every single time, he suggests the idea, then it just fizzles out. For example, last time, he suggested the idea a third time and I put so much ‘fake’ passion and effort into it and I basically constantly pushed myself to work on this project and have him included even though deep down I don’t like the idea.
It didn’t even progress a little bit. I remember going home, and reaching out, and making a mental note to force myself to work on this realestate thing despite not being interested in it and remembering how my friend usually just gives up and stops responding eventually. And what do you know, I pushed myself as hard as I can to cooperate and create this thing with my friend (much farther and passionate about it than the past attempts), and he just says a few sentences very infrequently to me on Discord, basically indicating he doesn’t care that much (when he literally suggested the idea to me when I hung out with him at his house an hour ago).
Look, this is not a roast session. I don’t really care about making my friend seem lazy and having him be the reason i’m broke and have no succesful businesses. All I really want is to work on something with him where he’s passionate and is a good partner and we succeed in making money.
So yeah, this was the fifth failed attempt at making money with him, and I can’t tell if it’s my fault or his? How would I know? Well, if he, for example, did this exact process with another person besides me, and it failed just the same way, i’d know that it’s not my fault, and that my friend truly is just a lazy dude who doesn’t follow through with stuff. I just want to make money.
Why am I bringing this up? Well just today I saw another self help video where a dude says that you become like your friends. So I started thinking that maybe my failures with money making is because i’m friends with this dude and other ‘losers’. But I don’t think they’re losers. I think they’re cool people, and I only have a few close friends so i’m not about to stop being friends with them and have no one.
At the same time, the truth is.. all my friends have ‘bad habits’ and ‘not the greatest occupations so to speak’.
My main friend i’m talking about here is a chronic cigarette smoker, is $10,000 in debt, smokes weed all day, drinks alcohol all the time, and works for his Dad. His Dad also drinks all day and smokes weed all day too. But like.. they’re actually so chill. Compared to coming home in my current house and my parents being up and very aware and hard asses, at this friends house, it’s pretty chill when it’s 9pm and the house is chill and quiet. The Dad is passed out in bed and very quiet.. there are no hard asses enforcing rules or on the verge of freaking out at everyone (like my stepmom, Dad and grandma do a lot).
Plus, I guess having a stoner friend is cool? They’re quiet, at least my friend is, and they’re okay just doing anything and are self sufficient. Meaning, all they need is their beer and joint and cigarettes and don’t judge me or criticize me that much like sober people?
My other friends? I have no other friends like this one where we live close by and can hang out whenever. So i’m so grateful I atleast have this one. He could have moved away and then i’d truly be alone and lonely (even though I am sometimes unappreciative of him).
But yeah, my other friends live in Pennsylvania or Canada or Texas. One of them smokes weed and nicotine all day. Another one smokes weed and vapes all day. Another one smokes weed and vapes and drinks alcohol all day. Another one smokes weed and vapes and drinks alcohol all day. Only one of them is straight edge and only drinks alcohol. This dude I admire because he is sober, discplined, plays guitar, and works a computer job and makes good money. The others for example, work at a post office, a bar, an IT help desk technician, a life insurance salesman, and my main friend, helping his Dad with HVAC.
So again, is this why i’m a ‘loser’? Because most of my friends smoke and drink all day, didn’t get a college degree, and have low end jobs? And instead of bettering themselves with things ‘bigger than them’ in their free time (hobbies like excercising or side hustles), they can just numb those thoughts (to be great in life) by just smoking, drinking, watching TV and playing video games?
I don’t know. I just know I have a huge part of me that craves success. Everyday, it craves at least a little progress towards success. Otherwise I feel like shit. And my main free seemingly leading me on with these business ideas he gives me, then just basically ghosts me once we get started is pissing me off. Is it me? Is it my communication style? Or can he just detect i’m not interested in his ideas? Or is this just refleting that he’s a ‘loser’ who half asses stuff but still cares? Meaning, he fools himself into thinking he’s helping me and we’re working towards making money, by coming up with these ideas, and he suggests the idea to me to tick a box that he atleast tried to help me. But again, he never follows through and just gives up. Is it because he’s a stoner? Or is it because he doesn’t like working with me? I don’t know.. I just wish I had the perfect partner: someone who knows how to push me in a loving way, who is smart and easy to talk to, but who is also very driven and hungry to make money like myself. Oh and who has good ideas and is willing to put in a lot of work like myself. I mean hell, Elon Musk got rich early in life leading him to be so free and able to choose what he works on at 54 years old. It’s less of a necessity and more a passion for him I think.
At like 20 years old, he and his brother teamed up and made Zip2, a company, and sold it for $300 million dollars. Why can’t I have a partner or brother to work on shit like this with me? I have the passion and drive. And I already put in work everyday all by myself. I have already proved I can do my share. I just really want a partner to make it easier.
Anyways, yeah. So my friend is leading me on and it makes me upset, and I have no clue if he realizes what he’s doing and that he’s a bad partner and if it even hits his conscience at all.
I will keep trying everyday. Right now with my projects, i’m trying to stop fooling myself and stop beating around the bush and actually work as fast and as easy as possible towards deployment, advertising to people, and realeasing the final product to make money. That is, instead of being hesitant and scared and stalling with minor features or stuff I add to the project, instead of not beating around the bush and releasing the project as fast as possible to see if it makes money and people like it, and it was a success.
I guess you could say both approaches could succeed, but again, I feel by not going as fast as possible to release these projects, I am just stalling, and wasting time, and fooling myself, and leading myself on to. Hey, I guess i’m leading myself on sometimes too? Maybe i’m projecting it, and my friend is just projecting myself onto him back to me?
Anyways, yeah. I will continue with finishing these projects everyday. And even if I do ‘stall’ some days because I don’t want to move forward with final touches and deploying the projects for real to the public, atleast just adding a feature or a small change is still working on it and not giving up and has hope of a release one day, right? I’m just getting impatient and want to be done already and know if it succeeds and I can move on, lol.
Besides that, boxing was good. I worked with some classmates on making a desk for my coach. I did it for free and didn’t ask for anything, which was noble of me. Yes I pay $200 a month for the classes, but the way coach pays attention to me and gives advice and believes in me, is invaluable. My life has become so much more positive since starting boxing and having coach as someone to hold me accountable for weight loss and pushing myself very hard. I am grateful beyond words, and I think it will only get better, and coach will essentially just show me more and move love everytime I go, which is great.
Good luck with your endeavors guys, and if anyone wants to be a business partner, leave a comment!
-Viper
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