Man, I can’t even describe the crazy relationship I used to have with nicotine. In my other blog post stories I mentioned how much I used to use and was addicted to it. I won’t go that in depth but i’ll explain how big a part of it was in my life.
In high school I literally ditched class to go home and steal my Dad’s nicotine vape on his nightstand and rip it in my room. Then cops showed up because they caught me leaving the school on camera and they asked why I cut school. I lied and said it was to watch netflix. Then I was detained.
Then there was a point in 2017 or 2016 where my family and I went on a vacation to Rome, Italy. I remember it was the second day of the vacation and I was exhausted. I had left my weed vape at home and was so irritable and bland without it. Mind you, I had been smoking weed all the time everyday for months prior to this. And on this vacation all we did was walk around all day. The colloseums were cool, but yeah. I remember begging my family to let me stay in the hotel room and they were sad about it, but they let me. So I ended up sleeping all day and being up all night. And my family came back at night and went to bed so I had nothing to do. I remember literally crawling on my stomach into my my parent’s bedroom and took my Dad’s nicotine vape on his nightstand. My mom had also given me half a xanax before this because I needed to calm down.
So then I went on the terrace in our hotel while faded and buzzed off xanax feeling so much euphoria. Then I would rip the nicotine vape and get a buzz off that too. Man that was bliss. All I wanted to do was read my kindle because I was so mentally wired, so I did.
Then there was late 2018 when I worked at Wendy’s. I was miserable, but that was the peak of my life. I was healthy, skinny, and had a shit ton of money and basically no health problems (besides depression and anxiety). The job got so bad because I was a cashier having to fake being happy to 100s of customers a day, and I just got burnt out. There was a point where my coworker literally called me out to our boss for ‘doing nothing’. That was partially the truth. I served customers and did the important part of my job. But I didn’t do much past that. I guess ideally maybe my coworker expected me to be do extra shit like refilling the condiments and cups and straws and clean tables and stuff? I don’t know. I just remember there was a point where I was so sick of being a cashier that i’d often just stand behind the register looking into space wishing I could go home with a frown on my face.
Then I asked my boss to be a dishwasher instead. I thought it would be chill cause i’m all alone right? Wrong. The amount of dishes to wash was insane and it was nonstop work. I remember I used to take milk and juiceboxes from the freezer. I got so lonely and stressed from the job that I took my Dad’s spare nicotine vape to work. And that’s when the habit got insane. I used to skip meals and drinking water to vape instead. Vaping on an empty stomach or when hungry hurts the stomach and leads to bad bowel movements. I remember vaping so much that my stomach hurt and I felt weak. I sacrificed healthiness for the buzz. It also contributed to my eating disorder because I never gained weight if I just vaped instead of eating (albeit for the stomach pain).
I actually vaped like every 10 minutes under the security camera yet never got caught. It got to a point (like with everything), that the good feeling went away. I no longer got a buzz really and it was just for the smoking motion.
Anyway, I went to college shortly after that. In 2019 I went so hard with weed and nicotine. I used to rip three vapes at once with no major health problems. Then in 2020 I had a psychotic traumatic incident. I kept vaping and developed a chronic cough and headache. I am now three years sober. I have saved $3000 a year since quitting weed and nicotine. Again, after a week or so I didn’t even feel a buzz from nicotine and it was more for the motion of inhaling something and just doing something in general to distract from life.
Don’t vape guys.
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